Molossus is proud to introduce a new feature by an anonymous American in jail in a beach town in Mexico: Prisionero Gringo. The column will appear weekly, once received by email from our contributor’s contraband cellphone from jail. Los Angeles cartoonist Dave Meyers is illustrating an accompanying comic for each issue of the series. All formatting, spelling, punctuation, and grammar have been left as received, to better convey the reality of cellphone literature.
Ok here’s the deal, this is whats going on. We no longer have laptops w internet n the jail. So i have 2 use my cell phone 2 go online. I have 2 pay 4 24hrs 2 get better rate so i dont go on all the time, every other saturday. If i go on during the week its cuz im on a friends phone & the have a touch screen. So my time is limited + touch screens r a rite bastard 2 type long mails. Right! So may 19th 07 cops kick n door of house i was n w big fuck off machine guns & start shouting @ me in spanish which i dont speak. However i do understand guns & when raised & pointed @ u it meams – lay dwn on floor & put ur hands behind back. Which i did. They handcuff me & start the search of the house.
There is a lot here i will skip over, many details that aren’t so important rite now. They take me 2 the jail on the 21st which is where i’ve been ever since. The jail… What a place. There is so much 2 tell. 1st the guards take ur shoes & what ever else u have on u that is of value. Then u go 2 a cell the called “the office” & take ur clothes & give u jail clothes then they touture & extort $ from u. Now the stuff the gurd took off u he sells it to the other inmates who then sell it on. Same w ur clothes the inmates n the office sell them on u dont get them back unless u buy them. Ur jail clothes aren’t real clothes issued by the jail. They r uniforms donnated by the big name hotels. Kind of funny seeing bunch of myans dressed like they wrk @ the reef hotel. Ok so what happened 2 me n the office? Well they said 2 me i had 2 pay $5k i said thats way 2 much the man said ok come w me. We go outside round the building & the stench almost made me want 2 vomit. The smell of swear on a hot summer day. We walk past a line of wet guys n line w buckets up 2 a hole n the concrete. Ok u no pay everyday u dwn there. He points 2 a hole w a man standing n swear water lifting buckets up. I said let me use ur phone. The news paper put me on frnt page whole bottom half w head lines that said INTERNATIONAL DROGA LAPORATORIA! So the guy in the office called me “El Presadente” thats why they want me 2 pay so much. We wrked out a deal. No work, no beatings, cell w plancha (concrete bed) all 4 the low price of $4k. Once u pay ur ok. No1 bothers u, u can do what u want. How ever u cant escape the noise. Fuckin bout done my head in. They have big sound systen no i mean profesional sound sys. Playing the worst music u can imagine. Rancharo thier version of country music. Rubish. Fuckin truppets tubas & acordians. They have 2 types rancharo romantic & rancharo gangster. The rancharo gangster is popular cause they sing bout being a zeta (look up zeta mafia) sellin drugs 2 gringos havin nice car big house then shoot out w cops. Thats basiclly it. Some times the singers r popular & say bad things bout the zetas so the zetas kill them. But im ok.
I have a mini refridgerator so i get outside food. The government food is shit. We are out of our cell from 9am to 6/7pm. Wed is movie nite they set up big screen & we out till 10 or 11pm. We have 3 visit days from 9-5. Sundays this place is packed. So many kids, every1 has a baby. They have never heard of the condom dwn here. On non visit days i go 4 sun taning 1 hr @ 9am. Then i go 2 gym then lunch then read rest of day. They opened new sections of jail & new terease so its quiter. Im much more relaxed. We use to have a group of cheerleaders most annoying group of cunts u ever meet. They were so noisy w their stupid cheers & they got paid 4 it. They paid them n crack! Oh they sell drugs here, pot coke & crack. Also beer tequila & home made beer. It sounds like complete disorder but it is not. If u steal, fight, bother a visitor u get a real beating. U can request a boxin match w some1 who bothers u. If u owe $ & dont pay or rip off some1 u get beat. So it isnt a free 4 all. There r many more crazy stories bout this place i will tell later this just 2 give u an idea. My process. I was charged w pos w intent 2 sell. Prosacutor appeal n judge raised charges 2 sales, pos intent 2 sell. During “trial” the people that say i sold them drugs never showed up so thier testamony was removed. Then cops give different & contradicting testamony. My whitness told what a model citizen i was & judge gave me 10yr 100days. So i appeal. Nxt judge says im right i no sell drugs there is no proof so i get 5yr 100d. This took 8 months. Some guys here 6yrs no sentance. So i have 1 more chance 2 go. Something called an ampero directo. They take at least 1yr. It is 3 judges that review the case & they have the last word. I have been waiting 1 year 25 days. I could hear the answer any day now. So thats really the basics. I will send u all the emails i have sent out recently so u will have plenty of entertainment.